Effort

“It's not about perfect. It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens. That's how change occurs.” ― Jillian Michaels

“They” say that you can never go home again.

Man, “they” sure do seem to talk a lot, but maybe that’s why we get along.

It’s partly true though, once you have completely moved out of your parent’s house and away from whatever you defined as home growing-up, it’s never really the same going back. Those who have stayed are changing, don’t mistake me, but you are changing too and more importantly, without them. As a former piece of that puzzle you never really fit back into place, at least not perfectly, like a side got bent; nevertheless being home this past weekend, even just for the day, felt good. Better than it has for years. There was no guilt associated with being gone, mine or theirs.

I think the aging of us, the success and failure of relationships, the weddings, the houses, the babies, the experiences, the disagreements, the misunderstandings, the years have put things into perspective for everyone. You are friends with people for a reason. Sometimes that reason weathers the storm, and sometimes it doesn’t, but it feels good if you can find it again.

Basically, what I am saying is sometimes what you really need is to have a good yack in your best friend’s parent’s front yard in route to a semi-formal baby shower to cleanse the toxins and really bring you back to the basics.

In related news, don’t ever drink Avery’s Beast.

Ever.

But as I prepare for one of the busiest months to date, I am getting more and more excited at the opportunity to spend quality time over the next four weekends with those closest to me, whether formerly or currently... making moments movie montages cream over.

When I happened upon that particular quote earlier this week, it was just the mantra I had been searching for to kick start my second week of CrossFit, but as the days went on, and thoughts of the weekend passed through my head, I realized it applies to so much more. Life isn’t so much about perfection but more the effort you put into it.

Or maybe all the blood has fled my head, and I am just talking crazy. SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

Amendment One

“Some things you must always be unable to bear. Some things you must never stop refusing to bear. Injustice and outrage and dishonor and shame. No matter how young you are or how old you have got. Not for kudos and not for cash: your picture in the paper nor money in the bank either. Just refuse to bear them.” -William Faulkner.

On nights like this, I find myself battling so many different negative emotions that I am unable to articulate anything useful; therefore, on nights like this, I find myself searching for quotes to better fit how I feel. Anything has to be more productive than “fuck off, you ignorant assholes!”

Feel free to quote me if you find no comfort in the other more thoughtful quotations I am offering here this evening. That’s L-i-z-M-u-r-r-a-y.

I will fully admit as a straight, white woman living in Middle America I’ve never really suffered discrimination. Outside of being the “chubby girl”, I can’t even say that I have felt particularly out of place in my life; so please, understand that I am not coming from a place of experience in this rant, just a place of disappointment and frustration in the face of what I believe to be blind, ignorant hate.

I can’t image someone telling me that I had no right to love Glenn, that we had no right to be together based on the fact I am white and he is black. It is easy to forget, but it wasn’t that long ago relationships like ours were illegal and seen as morally damaging to society. I can’t imagine my life without him in it, and I certainly can’t imagine the nation tell me “tough tittys”, get over it, love someone else, be something else.

People like to compartmentalize love like that, place their comfort before another’s happiness. How dare love exist outside their comfort zone. Daft defiant love. But is love the daft one when all this fear mongering hate is justified by the supposed loss of family values, traditional beliefs, morality, faith and common decency? To me, it just seems so backwards to claim you have morals and decency, to only use them as pretexts to judge and hurt others.

"I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me those are traditional values, that’s what I stand for. Oh, and I believe in dance" - Ellen DeGeneres.

This was in response to One Million Moms - a group claiming to be proponents of family values and common decency (shocking how predictable these groups can be) - calling for her termination as the newest spokesperson for JCPenney because she is gay.

Okay, wait, Ellen is GAY?!? And dancing isn’t what is really threatening the ethical foundation of our society?!? I believe Reverend Shaw Moore might disagree.

But in all seriousness, if it’s your children that you are worried about, I would be more concerned about how the example you are setting as a parent is affecting them. It should come as no surprise how much they learn about life from you, as their parent and provider. You are the person who is supposed to show them how to love, and how to live.

But on nights like this, it’s easy to get angry and respond to hate with hate, or in my world, respond to absurdity with sarcasm. Love, understanding, and education against injustice can be much harder. I applaud Ellen and her response. Bigotry across the board is something we should refuse to bear, but not all bigotry is the same in experience. No two encounters with injustice are the same, but it would seem the response endures through the ages.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

So again, on a night like tonight, when "North Carolina voters approve constitutional amendment defining marriage as union between man, woman" let’s remember while it may be easy to get angry and respond to hate with hate, love is much harder... and in my opinion, more powerful.